he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
