I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
