Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
