Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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