ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
