This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
