white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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