Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
