I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wear drunk well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
