Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
