we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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