he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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