In the future we'll all be gay
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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