just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He felt like a one man threesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
