She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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