Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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