Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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