you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
