I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
