He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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