what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
