1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
