i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
