just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
