I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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