Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
