I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My bed smells like the plague
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