she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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