We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
