Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize