Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
