why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
