i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
