Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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