Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
