last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.