How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret