Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy