You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT