As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.