My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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