I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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