He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can I color on your dick again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
