Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
