Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
