Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
