I showed him my bush... on skype.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
