I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
