Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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