Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
