be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
