She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
