So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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