I faked an abortion last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want her autograph on my taint
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
