I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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