Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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