but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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