He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
