Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
