Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
