Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
