She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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