if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
