Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
