i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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