Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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