i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
