if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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