Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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