im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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