If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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