I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
