He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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