just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
sex in a hospital.. check
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
