The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
