this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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