apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
