its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
