Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
