My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
