the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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