yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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