tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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