You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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